No one has sex so that they can use a condom – but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have hot (and safe) sex while using them either…
“I always use condoms to protect me and my partner”
Leo, 30
Events Co-ordinator
Be prepared... and have some fun with it too
Condoms can be bought by anyone at supermarkets and pharmacies. There are no age restrictions. Condoms are also available for free at the AIDS Action Council, and the AIDS Action Council provides free condom packs with a sachet of water-based lube to Cube Nightclub, Hush Lounge and to the big LGBT community events like Bushdance.
Make sure condoms are available and conveniently located. If no condoms are handy at the time you need them, you may easily be tempted to have sex without one. If you find having the discussion about using condoms difficult, having the packet and lube out and easy to see can make it a bit easier because they can see you plan to use them.
“Make it easy. Have the packet already open and in easy reach”
Gregory, 43
Natural Therapist & Yoga Teacher
Stopping when things are getting hot and heavy to rummage for a condom in the top draw of your bedside table can also kill the rhythm. Reaching over and asking if he’d like you to put it on for him is much smoother (and sexier!).
“It’s always interesting to see who reaches for it first”
Fenkil, 25
Queer Rights Campaigner
Some guys have a few tricks to make putting the condom on as erotic as possible so that it doesn’t spoil the mood. Some of these tricks can include
- having the receptive partner (bottom) putting the condom on for the insertive partner (top),
- having them apply the condom and lube, being very tactile (using fingers etc) to stimulate their partner and keep them aroused, dragging it out and building anticipation,
- Using your mouth to roll the condom on (this can take a bit of practice to get right).
“Condoms aren’t a problem, I use them to build the anticipation”
JD, 43
Team Leader
Trouble using condoms?
Some guys have genuine troubles with condoms. Here are some ideas that might help with some of the more common issues…
Fitting
It’s really important that you fit snugly inside the condom. This will minimise sensation reduction because it’s not cutting off blood flow or have wrinkles/pockets of air, but will also reduce the chances of the condom slipping off or breaking.
Most guys will fit into the standard condoms that we distribute in our condom packs or that you will find at SOPVs (Sex on Premises Venues), but sometimes they aren’t quite the right fit. Condoms in all shapes and sizes are available – some of them are available from the supermarket/chemist, just check the info on the packets – but sometimes you might need to go online and buy from the manufacturer (Ansell, Durex, Four Seasons, Sax, etc).
Sensation
Some guys have trouble orgasming when they are wearing a condom or even struggle to maintain their erection (stay hard). One of the simplest things to try is to make sure you are using a ‘nude’ or ‘ultra thin’ condom. These are still durable enough for anal sex, but are quite thin to increase sensation. Some novelty condoms like glow in the dark can be comparatively thick.
Putting a drop of lube onto the tip of the penis before putting the condom on, and using plenty of lube when penetrating, can significantly increase the sensation.
It is really important to also make sure that sensation isn’t being compromised because you are intoxicated; substances such as alcohol can reduce sensitivity or make it harder to stay hard, especially when trying to put on or use a condom. It is never a good idea to have sex while you are under the influence of alcohol or other drugs as they may increase the chances of something going wrong or something happening you later regret.
If staying erect is a major problem, aides such as cock rings can be used or even erectile drugs (Viagra, etc) may need to be prescribed. Erectile issues can also be related to stress or anxiety, so seeing a counsellor, GP or getting regular vigorous exercise may help as well.
Condoms are cheap. Get a few extra condoms to practice putting them onto your penis (if you have one!) or onto penis-like objects. Get a feel for them and how they work. Throw these practice condoms away. You can't use them for sex now.
Your health, his health, their health…
Making sure that condoms are used with your sexual partners is important, not just for your health, but also their health. The more sexual partners (especially casual ones) you have, the greater the chance of picking up or passing on an STI. Unless you are in a completely monogamous relationship it is impossible to say with certainty that you have no STI’s.
Condoms offer the best protection from most STI’s, including HIV, Chlamydia, and Gonorrhoea. While they don’t protect you from everything, they protect you and your partners from an awful lot, and the peace of mind that they provide is worth more than the sleepless nights that can be spent worrying after they haven’t been used.
“Worrying’s a bitch. Condoms mean I don’t have to!”
Troi, 24
Door Bitch Cube Nightclub
It’s important to remember to make sure you never re-use a condom, and that if there are more than just the two of you playing, that there are different condoms used for each guy. You might be safe, but you want to make sure you don’t pass anything on from one of them to the other. The same goes for use on sex toys like dildos and butt plugs – change the condom for each of you.
“It’s not just about keeping us safe, it’s about others as well”
Shaun & Joel
Managers Hush Lounge
If you are sexually active, especially with multiple partners, it is a good idea to have regular sexual health checkups. You can get these from your GP, Canberra Sexual Health Centre or the free STRIP clinics at Westlund House or the Mustang Ranch.
Excuses, excuses
You’ve finally gotten that boy of your dreams home and into the bedroom, it’s getting hot and heavy… we all know where this is going… but you HATE having ‘that chat’ and making sure he puts on a condom. Yep, it can suck, but not as much as getting HIV or other STI. Here are some really simple responses from the avert.org website that can help take away that awkwardness and put you back in control of your health.
| Excuse | Answer |
|---|---|
| Don't you trust me? | Trust isn't the point, people can have infections without realising it |
| It does not feel as good with a condom | I'll feel more relaxed, If I am more relaxed, I can make it feel better for you. |
| I don't stay hard when I put on a condom | I'll help you put it on, that will help you keep it hard. |
| I am afraid to ask him to use a condom. He'll think I don't trust him. | If you can't ask him, you probably don't trust him. |
| I can't feel a thing when I wear a condom | Maybe that way you'll last even longer and that will make up for it |
| I don't have a condom with me | I do |
| It's up to him... it's his decision | It's your health. It should be your decision too! |
| I'm on the pill, you don't need a condom | I'd like to use it anyway. It will help to protect us from infections we may not realise we have. |
| It just isn't as sensitive and I can't feel a thing | Maybe that way you will last even longer and that will make up for it |
| Putting it on interrupts everything | Not if I help put it on |
| I guess you don't really love me | I do, but I am not risking my future to prove it |
| I will pull out in time | Women can get pregnant and get STDs from pre-ejaculate |
| But I love you | Then you'll help us to protect ourselves. |
| Just this once | Once is all it takes |
Source: www.avert.org/condom 2010
“I can be as horny as hell, but if he doesn’t throw on a condom it isn’t happening”
Morgan, 23
Entertainer
The condom broke...
Don't panic. Stop having sex.
Go to the toilet and try to squirt out any semen and the condom (if it is still inside you).
There is a treatment called PEP that might prevent you getting infected by HIV if you act fast (preferably within a couple of hours, and definitely within 72 hours).
There are PEP trained doctors at the Canberra Sexual Health Centre, and also at the emergency departments at the Canberra Hospital and Calvary Hospital. They will be able to talk with you to help you decide if you should take PEP.
For more information, see the information sheet, or call the AIDS Action Council on (02) 6257 2855.
Extra tips...
Use each condom only once.
Condoms are not just for penises! They can be used on Vibrators, dildos and sex toys to prevent infections being transmitted. Remember to use a new condom every time the toy etc is being used with a different person.
Store condoms in a cool, dry place away from sunlight and heat. Do not carry condoms in your wallet for long periods of time. Friction from opening and closing your wallet, and from walking (if you carry your wallet in your pocket) can cause weakness in the condom.
Before sex...
Check the use by date. Using a condom after the use by date has expired increases the chance that the condom will break.
Don't use a condom that is brittle, sticky or discoloured. These are signs of age, and old condoms are more likely to break.
If a condom package is damaged, don't use the condom because it may be damaged also.
Avoid opening the condom until you plan to use it.