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Going to stop using condoms?
Many HIV infections in gay men occur within relationships. Many of these occurred at the beginning or end of the relationships when negotiations and agreements weren't clear. There are a number of reasons why trust may be an issue within a relationship. These could include:
- Not having a clear agreement or set boundaries for sex within and outside the relationship.
- Poor communication.
- One partner being new or inexperienced.
- A history of lying or 'cheating'.
- Uneven power dynamics or domestic violence.
- The relationship is falling apart.
If any of these things are happening within your relationship the chances of something going wrong are increased.
What happens if the agreement is broken or if there is a slip up?
It's important to talk about this possibility before it happens so that each of you can feel comfortable about telling each other if it occurs.
- Whatever the reason, would you feel comfortable telling him without it being a threat to the relationship?
- How can you find out if he would feel comfortable telling you?
If at any time either of you have unsafe sex outside the relationship you will need to start the process over again and go back to using condoms. There's a treatment called PEP that might prevent HIV transmission, but you'll need to start it as soon as possible (preferably within 24-48 hours) after exposure - and you'll still need to use condoms with your partner.
Yes, it can be hard to admit that you've slipped up but it is very important to do this so that you do not put your partner at risk.
Also, it's a good idea to continue to review your agreements over time and ensure they are still right for you.
Where to now?
Remember that it is important to keep communicating and checking that the situation is working for both of you.
If you need any support or further information, the AIDS Action Council is here for you. Call us on 02 6257 2855 or see the contact us page for more contact options.